


No Rules

by phoenixgal



Series: Scenes from a Life [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bad Sex, F/M, Infidelity, Motherhood, Poor Life Choices, Unhealthy Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 19:41:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10394610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixgal/pseuds/phoenixgal
Summary: Ginny realized she had cheated. But how did you know if you cheated if there weren't rules to follow?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't tag for it, but this is borderline dub con at the start. A very angsty episode with a sad ending here, but part of a larger series with a happy ending.

She realized what a horrible mistake she was making as he penetrated her. Her back was against the wall and her legs had been willingly wrapped around Dean's hips. Up to this point, it had been exciting. He had taken her to a Muggle football game and then a bright, loud Muggle club with repetitive music thrumming. He had called her beautiful and said what an amazing athlete she had been back when she was still on the Harpies. And she had remembered what fun they'd had as kids and how he was the first boy she'd ever let up her shirt. And then she told herself that she could sleep with whoever she liked after all. They didn't play by the rules like other people.

And somehow, too many Muggle mixed drinks later, they had ended up making out in the alley and she had wrapped her legs around him and let him pull her knickers out of the way and unzip his trousers and hold her against the wall. And it had felt so thrilling and right.

Until it didn't at all.

“No,” she said as he began to thrust. “Dean, don't. Don't. Stop!”

“What?” he asked, his speech slurred, body still moving. 

She wanted him to stop. If she'd been sober, she probably would have just let him finish. But if she'd been sober, she probably wouldn't have let it go this far in the first place. “Stop it!” she said again, and she felt a rising sense of panic.

Without thinking it through, she felt for her wand in her pocket and said the first hex that came to mind.

As Dean's legs turned to jelly, she slid down the wall and found herself landing uncomfortably in the alley, earning herself what was sure to be a bruise at least as big as some she'd gotten off bludgers during her pro years.

Ginny turned and wretched, bringing up a massive amount of alcohol and greasy Muggle food. At least she understood now why Harry had such mixed feelings about it.

Harry. Fuck.

Dean was screaming obscenities at her as he struggled over the disgusting alley floor. Ginny forced herself to stand even though part of her wanted nothing better than to pass out. She pulled her skirt down and left him there. It felt heartless, but he'd live.

She was far too wasted to apparate or do any serious magic and she didn't see any way around that except to walk it off. So for the next hour, she wandered around Muggle London feeling dirty and disgusted with herself. When she finally felt like maybe she could get herself across the country without splinching, she apparated into her back garden.

The house was quiet. It was so late that it was nearly morning. Lily would probably be up before long. She was a terrible sleeper. Ginny felt an ache in her breasts just thinking of her youngest child. She needed to bathe and then dump all her milk and give the baby a bottle. Probably Harry would do it. He wouldn't even expect her home at all.

However, her hope of sneaking in was ruined when she spelled on the lamps in the sitting room and found Harry sitting on the sofa.

“Hello,” he said. 

She couldn't hide how she looked. She hadn't even bothered to try and clean herself up properly. Her skirt was torn. Her shirt was filthy. She knew she reeked. She stood there, caught out and hating herself.

“Julianna's owl came with a note for you,” he said quietly, answering the question as to what he knew.

“Oh.”

“I thought, why is Jules owling Ginny when Ginny is over there right now? And then I thought, oh, Ginny's not over there.”

Ginny looked down at herself and felt the tears begin to roll down her cheeks. It all felt so stupid. All the reasons she was angry at Harry and hated her life. They all seemed so stupid. She should have just gone to see Julianna. Jules would have cheered her up. Jules would have kissed her and reminded her what was good.

Or, better yet, she should have stayed home with Harry. Forget that she'd needed a night off from the kids. Forget that every night in they snipped and griped and whinged at each other lately.

Harry suddenly sounded concerned. “Did something happen?”

Ginny choked slightly and her tears, which had been silent, became louder. “I fucked up.”

Harry's voice, which had been hollow, now sounded scared. “How?” When she didn't immediately answer, he asked, “Did someone hurt you?”

“It's my own fault,” Ginny said, crying. “I shouldn't have. I just felt so...” How had she felt? She wasn't even sure how to name it now. She felt fat, with the baby weight still on her. And ugly. And while Harry still loved her, she had felt dramatically unsexy with him. She felt so unsexy that she had only gone to see Jules once since Lily was born.

“What happened?” Harry asked, standing up to cross the room and look at her.

It was more than just feeling undesirable, she thought. She felt like she was nothing more than a mother, with the kids clinging to her all the time. Was this all there is to life? Was this what she had signed up for? She still had horrible secret thoughts of resentment when she looked at Lily Luna.

“I'm a horrible person,” she gasped through her tears.

“What…?” Harry started to ask again.

“I had sex with Dean,” she said.

“Dean Thomas?” Harry asked, looking shocked.

For a moment, they stood looking at each other in their own sitting room. Yes, thought Ginny. Now Harry can ream me out and break me down and end this feeling. She wanted him to hate her as much as she hated herself at that moment.

But Harry didn't yell.

“You should go get cleaned up.”

And he turned on his heel and walked out of the room, leaving Ginny standing there still in tears.

If she hadn't known she had to feed a baby, she knew should have collapsed on the floor and screamed herself to sleep. Or maybe she would have found a dreamless sleeping potion. As it was, she quickly showered and dressed. She took the breast pump and drained everything she had, dumping it down the sink. Harry wasn't in their bedroom when she retrieved clean clothes and she tried to ignore that. She wasn't sure what it meant.

Lily was already fussing. She was ready for that crack of dawn feeding, probably awakened early by the cue of too much household activity. Ginny went down the hall and found her already in Harry's arms.

“Are you sober enough to take care of the kids and get through the day?” he asked.

That made her want to cry all over again. She didn't trust her voice. She'd either be indignant, which wouldn't help her with Harry, or she'd wail, which wouldn't help anything with Lily, so she nodded, biting her lip and holding out her hands.

Harry handed her Lily and gestured to the bottle already made. He pointed his wand at it to warm it for her and she sat down with her daughter, who immediately began grabbing at her breast.

“Nope, that's all gone,” she said, carefully avoiding Harry's gaze where he stood over her in the nursery and offering up the bottle, which Lily held with tiny fingers.

“I'm going out,” Harry announced.

“It's so early,” she objected. The sun wasn't even up.

“I need to get out of here.”

She understood that. Maybe he would go sleep with someone as revenge. This actually sounded like a brilliant plan because then maybe they could be even and she wouldn't feel so much like shite.

“Oh, we're supposed to take the kids to play with Roxy and Fred,” she said. It was going to be a warm, clear Sunday. They were supposed to meet George and Angelina for a picnic.

“You do it. I won't be back.”

She felt like he'd slapped her. What did won't be back mean? Was it as ominous as it sounded? She suddenly, desperately wanted to explain herself.

“I didn't break any rules. There are no rules.”

Harry, who had already started out the nursery door, turned back to her and he looked almost savage, a look she couldn't ever remember seeing on him, at least not around her. “Unwritten rules are still rules!”

“What rule did I break then?” she asked, though she knew. She knew everything about having met up with Dean without telling Harry was wrong. If they were going to sleep with someone, they said. Not in years had either of them slept with anyone they both knew well. And not since the week before they married had Ginny slept with any other men. They didn't say these things aloud though. They probably should have, she realized. There had to be rules.

“I won't do this with the kids in the house,” Harry said.

That was another unspoken rule. The house and the kids were sacred. They didn't even talk about this stuff when the kids were awake, not even when Jamie was an infant and no one was around to understand.

She wanted to formulate a response, but she couldn't think of one.

Harry turned and left, going quickly, and she heard the crackle of disapparation in the hallway when he was barely out of her sight.

Her tears began to flow again. Lily was already drifting back to sleep, but her green eyes flickered open and looked into her mother's. She smacked at the bottle and lifted a tiny fist off it, grasping it around Ginny's offered finger.

Babies only knew how to love you, Ginny thought, even when you didn't love yourself.


End file.
